Something changed

Something inside me changed this weekend.

I'm not sure I still want this, right now.

I feel so confused, but so incredibly free.

Maybe next month

:(

New lingo

I'm learning all kinds of new lingo in this babymaking process. Since I started reading up on forums, etc. almost a year ago, I feel like I've gained a new vocabulary. For example, "DH and I were TTC, so we BD'd right at O (used OPK), and only 10 DPO I did a HPT - BFP!!" [note: this is not my actual experience, but only an example of the language! :)]

Predictions, anyone?

People say they "just knew" when they got pregnant. I am not sure how that's possible. I try really hard to refrain from prediction, because I convince myself every month that each little ache and pain and stomach rumble is a sign of pregnancy. Maybe it's partly because of my husband's "expect-the-worst" philosophy, but I am trying really hard not to get myself all psyched up and then get disappointed.

Truth be told, I probably only ovulated between 3 and 5 days ago. Since I am not temping yet, it's hard to tell on the timing, but I think I am learning to be more aware of my body. I think I made a pretty close prediction on ovulation time this month; better than I've ever done before. So I think we had the best chance this month of any so far. But I'm not making any predictions. I'm hoping, I'm praying, but I'm not predicting.

Green-eyed temperature taker?

One of our couple friends at church told us today they're pregnant. I was so excited for them - it's great. They're going to be great parents. I am just admittedly a little bit jealous. They decided to try, and BOOM. A week later it happened. It makes me really upset in a way; I just don't think it's fair. But I know life isn't fair, and I know that I have to wait on God. But it's still hard to not feel a little bit resentful.

So far we've had a pretty minimalist approach to conception. We've just gone off the pill; we're young (we're both only 24), we're healthy, we like sex, it'll happen, right? But last week we decided that if we don't make it this try we're going to get a BBT thermometer. (I admit that the event outlined above has probably cemented that decision in my mind). I don't want to get obsessive, but I also want to get pregnant in time to have the baby during school, and not when I'll be starting to work. I suppose we'll see in a few weeks if I need to head to Target.

By way of introduction

Our little family currently consists of me (Portia), a law student; my husband (whose blogger identity remains unknown), a seminary student, and our five-month-old kitten. We're hoping to expand that family to include a little one yet to be conceived. The purpose of this blog is to have an outlet for our feelings during this process and to have a journal-like record of the ordeal for posterity. :)

We've decided to try to get pregnant during my second year of law school, and ideally have the baby during my third year. We made this decision over a year ago, and (at least I) anxiously awaited the time when we could actually start trying!! I went off the Pill in November, and we waited a month to actually "try." We've had unsuccessful attempts in December, January, and February so far. We're both ready for it to happen; we're just I guess waiting on God's time.

In case you were wondering, "Arrow in the Quiver" comes from Psalm 127:3-5: "Sons are a heritage to from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them..."