What shifted

I think the problem was I wanted to control it too much. Even when I said I didn't, I did. Even now when I'm freer than ever, I know deep down I still feel like it's my decision.

Honestly I just don't want to think about it anymore. I want to enjoy DH and just let go. I want to leave it totally up to God.

I keep thinking that what is really going on is that I both really really want to have a baby right now and really really don't. DH says that it means we shouldn't go for it, and I agree; where we differ is in what that looks like.

He says that doing nothing is doing something. I point to statistics and say no it's not. If we're not trying then we might get pregnant, but we might also not. We're not sure which way we're going yet. But it's kind of cool to know that whatever happens is for our good, and to really realize that we have nothing to do with it.

Sorry for the ramble... I'm hopped up on Diet Coke and it's past my bedtime. :)