Sigh of Relief

Went to the doctor yesterday. After being chided for not drinking enough water to fill my bladder (to be fair, I had only one hours' notice and she didn't tell me I'd have to drink like an entire ocean), I had an internal ultrasound - and we got to see our baby for the first time. It was so amazing. Baby has a good strong heartbeat (153 bpm) and two arms and two legs. Baby is flying solo in his or her uterine world, which I'll admit is a relief (though DH was disappointed).

The only bad thing they saw was a cyst on my right ovary, which they said might be causing the bleeding. But they're not concerned about it - the nurse said that my body will likely just absorb it. (Good thing).

So all is well. The nurse said that at 8 weeks, with a strong heartbeat, the likelihood of something going wrong is pretty low, so we've starting telling people. I told my dad ("I'm going to be a grand-pappy!"), DH told his mom ("Oh dear, one more thing for me to worry about"), and we told other family members and friends from school. DH really likes just springing it on people. It's awesome. He's very excited now, especially since we saw the baby.

We told our small group last night - that was fun. We have an icebreaker every week, and I suggested that we talk about a book we're currently reading. I was last, and I mentioned a couple of my casebooks, and... "What to Expect When You're Expecting!" All the girls started squealing, and once they figured out what was going on, the guys were excited too. It was tons of fun.

So, overall it turned out to be good.

Scary morning...

Started spotting this morning. That was very frightening. It still is, actually. I called the clinic, and the on-call doctor told me not to bother coming in today because it will be like pulling teeth to get an ultrasound. But I'm supposed to call first thing in the morning, and they'll take a look.

Hopefully everything is fine and this just means we'll get a sooner look at our baby. I'm praying for that.

But it means DH and I will both have to miss class tomorrow, in the craziest week of the semester. Oh well. One more little sacrifice for our baby - and I'm sure there will be plenty more to come.

First doctor's visit (sort of...)

Our first doctor's appointment was last Friday, and it was exciting. DH and I met with the nurse practitioner, and she was very positive. Turns out we are very low risk! Woo-hoo!! We just sat in chairs next to the desk, staring at very frightening posters about labor positions as she asked us about a million questions about our medical histories. Then we went downstairs, where they collected some "samples" and DH just about passed out at the mere thought of the needle they used to take my blood. (Especially when I told him they took 5 vials!) I'm so glad I'm having this baby and not him - he'd never be able to cope!! :)

The craziest thing about the whole ordeal was, the NP sent us home with a packet of information to read over and bring to our next appointment (on DH's birthday, at which we will get our first look at the little one!!) and a bag of goodies. This bag of goodies included coupons, a parenting magazine (frightening), nursing pads (very frightening), and the thing that sent me over the edge: diapers. When I pulled them out of the bag when we got home, I lost it. I freaked out. "Holy crap. What are we doing?" I couldn't believe there were actual diapers in our apartment. For a child that will be here, soon. I started crying. DH for once had to comfort me: "It's going to be OK - we're going to be fine..." I was freaking out. Really. I don't think I've ever been more frightened of any major life change. I suppose that's normal, and probably good. Still, it was scary.

Anyway, I'm getting over the shock now. I'm still a little freaked out, but overall I know God is in control - he wouldn't give us this baby if we weren't ready, right? Or at least if we weren't prepared to do what is in His plan...

By way of pregnancy symptom update, I've been feeling a bit more queasy lately. It's pretty constant, actually. Especially when it's time to eat, just after I eat, after riding in a car, when smelling strong smells (esp. gasoline), and when thinking about all of the above. Still haven't gotten sick (knock on wood) but I've gotten pretty close a couple of times... Other than that, and still being pretty constantly wiped out, I think I'm pretty symptom-less. Hallelujah!

6 weeks

Just getting around to posting this from last weekend:


Still looks the same...

Passion Impressions

I went to the Passion Conference in Boston this past weekend, and I just wanted to record some of the impressions I left with. Friday night as I was listening to the worship music and just reveling in the moment, I had the thought that THIS is what I want for my child. I want him to feel this way, to be totally and completely in love with God, and to feel His love beaming back. And it occurred to me that this was not an abstraction anymore; it was very specific. I wanted this not for my vague future children, but for this child. Wow. Sometimes I'm still totally surprised by the fact that there is a person inside me.

Later that night Louie Giglio talked about who we are as people, and who we are as Christians. He was talking about how we are chosen, called, cherished, etc. But the first thing he mentioned is that we are created. He was saying how even at the very beginning it's a miracle, because one cell from your father and one cell from your mother come together to form one cell. And from that one cell your entire body developed. It's so amazing. I've always loved the verses like Jeremiah 1:5 ("Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...") and Psalm 139:13 ("For you created my imnost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb"), but now they suddenly have a different meaning. Instead of being the one created, I am the womb. It's a beautiful change of circumstance. I love the idea that God knows this baby. God knew this baby before this baby was one cell. Probably before I was one cell. I am in awe of the Creator.

6 weeks (ish): Random thoughts

So, depending on who's counting, we're either in Week 6 or Week 7. I'm assuming based on my chart that I'm 5 weeks plus a little. This means that Baby is the size of an apple seed. That really blows my mind. There is a person inside me, and said person is somewhere between 2 and 4 mm long!

I am still a bit in shock, and still sometimes can't believe it. ("What if it was a false positive?") But DH and I are definitely both excited now. It helps to tell people. We haven't told everyone, mostly just people who knew we were trying and who were listening to us (well, me) whine about it all along, and people we're really close to. (We haven't told our families yet. I'm not sure when we will - probably after our first doctor's appointment). I keep thinking if other people know about it then it will seem more real. And it's been fun seeing people's reactions. Some people have squealed, some have yelled "Nu-Uh!", some have cried, some have just hugged us. It's been really great to have so many supportive people in our lives.

I haven't had any really bad symptoms yet - it's still been little stuff. I've been more tired, more thirsty, and more gassy, my eyes are pretty dry, and my chest is sometimes achy, but that's pretty much it. (My lower back is also pretty sore but I'm not sure if that's related...). I thought for sure I'd have morning sickness from Day 1, but I've been lucky so far. Hopefully that will stay away!!

A note about due date, though, since I haven't blogged it. According to all of the calendars I've now subscribed to online, the baby will be here in the beginning of June. Oddly enough, I will also graduate from law school in the beginning of June. What an adventure!! Studying for the bar with a newborn! Woo-hoo!!

It's so crazy that I'm writing this right now. I'm really pregnant, huh? Weird.

Interesting tidbit of the day...

What I learned today from pregnancy-calendars.net:

Did You Know?
Back in the "olden days" before pregnancy tests were invented, people devised all sorts of methods to determine if a woman was pregnant, and it was said that the saliva from a pregnant woman would make a goat vomit.

Nice. Who figured that one out?

Still in disbelief

It's been a couple of days, and I suppose I'm still a little in shock over the whole thing. I can't believe we're having a baby! It's so crazy. I'm going to be someone's mommy. Weird.

I haven't had any big symptoms so far - it's been a lot of little stuff. I'm a little tired, a little crampy, a little sore, and I've had some crying fits (mood swings are my thing apparently) but overall it's been fine. In fact if I hadn't seen that very quick, very dark line on Wednesday morning I would think I was on my period!

I guess I'm feeling a lot of different things right now: one minute I am so excited I can barely stand it; the next minute I'm scared out of my mind ("What did we do?? WHAT were we THINKING?!?"); the next I'm totally in denial. And then I'm crying. It's so insane in my head right now. I can't really concentrate on anything else. School seems so boring (partly because of the courses I'm taking), and nothing else is exciting enough to distract me. I had two job interviews on Wednesday after I found out, and halfway through one of the interviews I remembered that I was pregnant and almost burst into tears again. Crazy.

DH is doing well, but he's taking a bit longer to say he's "excited." He's in "HOLY CRAP" mode most of the time right now. But I sort of knew that would be the case; he's a realist. He'll be in "HOLY CRAP" mode more or less for the next 20 years. :) But I think he'll slowly mix it with excitement.

Guess what?

So our thinking has changed a million times in the past 10 months. In May we decided to go for it again, and then in September I started charting, mostly because our window was closing and I knew I'd probably regret it if I didn't. Also I knew I was in the right place at that time. I know that it is God who creates life. We are simply His instruments.

Charting was an amazing release. I took my temperature at 8:00 every morning and then I was mostly done thinking about it for the day - I was no longer obsessing about whether I was or wasn't ovulating. It was clear. (That's not to say I didn't think about it at all; I did. I had a link to my chart online. But it was a different mindset).

Anyway, I waited until 16 days past ovulation according to my chart (which was today) and took a pregnancy test. It was immediately and very clearly POSITIVE! We're pregnant!!!